Comments for rough dradt

    Here are the comments I wrote for Vanessa Berrior, shiyun yang,  Jay Pan
Vanessa:
Woow! Such a specific explanation! I like your thesis statements and some explanations, which make me have a good preview of the book. I think you need more quotes, and you also can pull out what event had actually happened during the game. And you need to cut the first paragraph of the second part of the book, it seemed like it is the second intro paragraph. Overall, it is pretty good, and I am looking for more deatails of the story on the final draft.
shiyun:
mhmm..I would say the same thing which I comment at Vanessa's post-- I think you need more details on what events had actually happened in the story. On your essay, it mostly focus on what is your opinion-- I am not saying it is unnessary, but maybe you could add more samples to support your thesis. By the way, you have strong supports of your quotes and your commentary. Overall, your essay seems great
Jay:
The third comments for "Hunger Game"!!
Well, I think your essay is going on a good way. You have thesis statements, strong quotes, transitions and supports. Like what David said↑, you need to make a better intro and conclusion. Anyway, I think your essay is ready to go